Faith Storms

Gnawing discontent. No huge problem, maybe no problems at all. Yet you don’t feel happy.

A good event will give brief good feelings, but they don’t last. They fade or are suddenly gone. And the empty hole feeling is back. Sometimes you cry. Sometimes you don’t cry. What is the point?

I struggle with this feeling. I want to understand it better. Been thinking on this for a while. Wondering…

As I write this, I think I have the answer, or at least a big part of it. When I feel this way I am likely not completely present. I am often thinking of tasks I need to do, deadlines, obligations, yet doing nothing about them at that time. So, my mind is jumping around, scattered. Feeling scattered and stressed does not promote the more positive feelings.

My “busy brain” does not help my feeling of peace or happiness either. My busy brain is often bringing tasks and chores to my awareness. While this can be useful (I rarely forget to things), it is hard for me to be positively focused for long.

There is also this expectation I think many of us may have – to be/feel “happy” much of the time. While I do think there are personality types who are mostly happy much of the time….this is not all of us. So, if your innate wiring is more, shall we call it melancholy, I wonder how sustainable “happy” is for us.

Happy can be fleeting. Joy, contentment can be a bit more lasting. I find this can come from connections with others, my animals, my work. I try to cultivate those things in my life.

Sundays are a little rough for me. I notice this gnawing discontent more on Sundays. It may be partly the lack of structure (other than attending church, I rarely have scheduled events on Sundays). It could be thoughts of the upcoming week and it’s tasks and responsibilities. Last Sunday I REALLY felt the feeling. Had a good cry. And was kind and supportive of myself thru it. That helped.

Today I think I expected that feeling. It was there, but not overwhelming. I rested as I need to, but then I DID tend to my to do list. I did necessary things like pay bills. I worked on this blog. I planned out my week a bit.

And then I went to be with my rabbits, down to the barns. I fed, watered, cleaned. Did some breeding. Played with young ones. And just was PRESENT with them a while. I gave myself the gift of time with the hobby that grounds me, keeps me rooted and steady and physically active. After that I had time with my cavies. Also very settling and enjoyable.

It is easy to listen to the voice that says you are not enough somehow. I think this is another cause of the gnawing discontent. But maybe who we are and how we are right now IS fine, IS good enough. Maybe it is even more than that. Maybe we are Divine beings.

Be present. Practice being NOW. Every moment we can do this WILL bring us more peace and contentment. And I believe a break from the gnawing discontent.

Progress not perfection friends!