Are YOU a success?

What does it mean, to be a success? What does it mean to you? What do others say it means? Are you measuring up to their standards of success? Are you measuring up to your own standards?

I hear this in my office quite a bit. Folks who feel they are failing in life. Yet when we discuss their lives, there may be nothing specifically wrong. In many areas their lives are quite good. Yet there are certain things that they feel badly about, feel like failures about.

So, what is success? Money? Friends? An attractive partner? Being smart/educated? A certain job? Being able to travel? Having a beautiful home? Having peace? Being happy? Having certain life experiences?

YES! Any or all of these COULD be signs of success. So, how do we know what success is for us?

Notice what I just said…..FOR US. Who you are (personality) WILL determine just what success looks like. Let me explain. To do so I will discuss GEMS. (For a fuller discussion of this, check out my book SAD No More. I have a whole chapter on this!)

Money. Who wants money? Rubies of course! Rubies are motivated by winning, by competition. Money can be a very practical way to “measure” success to them. Nice things in life (objects) also tend to matter to this personality type as well.

Who wants fun experiences and many friends? Sapphires do! As they are motivated by fun, if it doesn’t seem like fun they are really not interested.

Who wants an education, a professional, orderly career path, to have investments? Emeralds do! These logic based folk have innate sense of order and process to life. Education of many sorts is right up their alley and often comes fairly easy to them. A wish for friends, close relationships, fun times – nope, not much. These folks are often quite content being alone.

Who wants “peace on Earth”, to be “of service”, to help others? Pearls do. And do you see the problem already?!? I do. What are these things? How do you define what you, as a heart centered person, wish for?

You are a peace maker. But if others are involved you don’t have complete control of outcomes. You want close, intimate friendships with people you feel safe and comfortable with. But it is often hard to find these folks. And they have bad days too. Maybe you have given up on world peace, you just want internal peace….but your variety of thoughts and feelings make this hard.

So what is a pearl to do?!?

First of all, acknowledge how much more difficult it truly is to define then measure your life satisfaction. Due to being emotionally wired, the things that satisfy us are not so easily measured.

Secondly, stop accepting other’s standards of success for you (if you are not their same personality type.) A Ruby friend telling you that you MUST be paid more….well, maybe you should, but it also may not make you happy! (Pearls do tend to under rate and under price themselves and their services…..but that is another topic!) A sapphire friend telling you that you just need to have more fun means well, but that may not help you in the end. And emeralds will have NO good emotional advice, so don’t even ask!

Let me share from MY heart, as a dominant pearl, about what matters to me, what makes my heart sing. It is ALL about making a difference to others, and making a difference in this world. Money does NOT matter primarily to me (which frustrates my Ruby boyfriend to no end!) Helping others, serving others, that is what satisfies me. Creating win/win situations makes me feel good. Everyone benefiting somehow is so satisfying. Seeing people grow, heal and become their best self makes me incredibly happy and deeply content.

Now, there is SO much need out there, it can be easy to fall into “I am not doing enough”, or, “I need to do more.” As people who give to others, it is vital that we nurture ourselves, that we take time for US. Self care can be challenging for pearls as it may feel “selfish.”

To that I say, oh well! Get used to it! If we never care for ourselves, then one day we will be mentally, emotionally or physically incapacitated and will be able to help NO ONE ANYMORE. We will be unable to be of service to others.

Many of us need time alone daily to recharge. I do. We may need time in nature or with our animals to feel grounded and filled up again. I definitely benefit from time with my critters. We may need to read. We need to think our own thoughts and feel our own feelings. We may need to write or create art. Make sure you take this time for you before you try to serve others.

We need to value ourselves as heart centered pearls with the amazing gifts we have to offer the world and stop comparing ourselves to other personality types. Our talents are not theirs. Their talents are not ours. It does not make them better than us. It makes them different.

Are you fulfilling YOUR purpose?
If you answer yes then:


If you answer no…..then refocus on your genuine purpose and your gifts so that you can begin to feel like the success you may already be!

I believe in you!

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